first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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