Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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