I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
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I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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