if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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