How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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