I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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