I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize