Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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