3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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