Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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