My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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