I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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