We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
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They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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