Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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