I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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