come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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