We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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