I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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