You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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