i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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