you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize