he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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