Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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