Just cropdusted the office
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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