end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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