She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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