you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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