He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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