i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize