shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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