taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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