sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize