My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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