OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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