my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up under a house in Key West
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize