You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
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At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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