I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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