exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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