Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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