I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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