I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
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I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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