my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My feet surprised me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize