i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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