Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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