my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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