official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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