There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize