Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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