Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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