12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I need to stop coming to work sober
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize